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NOW
$$ - MENTAL – SPIRITUAL – PHYSICAL – SOCIAL
The constant reminder in order comes with what should take precedence versus what does. Prioritizing a generalized organizational map for the future is gathered in thoughts that form in chaos. There is much to be mistaken when the hasty steps are overlooked. This much can be clear in statistical references that are detached from the world but very much so directly relate to necessities; “money is the motive.” A practicing healthy/positive habit may be prioritizing; it requires a clear indication that “the now” and its following guide coincide with a vision meant to accomplish worthy achievements. Oversight thought to lead into identifying hindsight does not always occur, it is the capacity with ability to realize its purpose but how do we identify it to begin with? The meaning becomes the aspect in a vision that can only be seen when thinking in a clear chronological timeline gauging necessities and requirements that will aid in the ultimate glory one deserves. Hindsight is 20/20 sometimes. The vision is only as evident when one realizes what it looks like to see for the first time, and how do we get there, how do we see… well, we reach out.
Before finding New Life Beginnings there was a dark cloud looming overhead with no promise for the future, but there were always sweet moments with reward. Regardless, lacking qualities seem to find emphasis. There is a peace to be grasped for those who seek his word. It is never that easy when you’re losing an aspect held to priorities as one. The last aspect that seems to be the least important has become the first priority aspect for a skill-set left to creativeness, except there was much in menial positions past that they are in mind simply practical – just sensible. Priorities that were primary are simply secondary in what is not visionary and what is not now is then and vice versa fixated in a paradox. The conundrum of all questionable twilights.
Ask and you shall receive. Doesn’t always happen even when you work for it. There has always been this nagging feeling I was never in the right place but in the right place at the right time. This can be a distress. Stressors are a mind’s worst enemy but its friend when it comes to find that the mental has the capacity to carry the weight the word is prepared to transform through the energy. To hear, “give it to God instead of you are strong,” is a daunting realization no one is required to join the journey. Embarking on your destiny is just to live its truth. Rare form, an eccentric intricacy pining at Him for the answers, is an innocence that cannot be interpreted with the word no matter the verse. It is a translation regarding societal norms that do not fit in this period but expectation has been set to its standard in a way no one can relate without sounding besides themselves. Question mark. What is this feeling the past leading to this moment is the bible’s work through people that got caught in its first commandment: the lie.
I can see. It is neither good or bad to interpret a work like the bible as a misunderstood guide to life. Oh wait, Big Book – right? Here is the beginning to the end, and it does take time. Living right to the societal thought addiction is in a bottle can lose translations to its ignorance, enrichments are in an effort made by one to inspire the next until it reaches many. Thoughts, “just say it. Out with it. Come on. SPEAK!”
The time is 2019, and there is something ominous to linger. Ignored from time to time it is deceit. It becomes ominous. Meeting men isn’t a prospect that someone assumes happens randomly, until it does. Just to reveal it does not happen that way at all, someone will. Short version: I met a man that abused me and made me realize my worth just by treating me second rate. I feel like that could be one word but it wouldn’t give you that choked feeling to attempt to cut out its pronunciation. Live your best life. Worse part is, he understood me somehow. He just couldn’t keep from letting peer pressure stop him. It was homelessness, using over $7,000 from my tax return to reserve rooms just for shelter, and showing him how to attempt living something again. And I do mean, something. Just not living to live, realizing there is something more to life than the pain. Something more than suffering. Appreciating any day lived by living the day with the strongest mentality and steadiest mental stability one can possibly claim after that much strife, hardship, and lies.
During this time, no steady-flow income. No possessions really. No proper communication. There wasn’t any reason to be around, but something happened. He almost took my life from me. He thought to do me in, his way. Hearing, just like the bible, what it meant to endure crucifixion or how about what it meant to survive a predator, psycho-sociopathic family he thought to act as one himself, which is not the same as someone capable of extra-sensory perception abilities… awkward. He almost killed me to take me, except was it him or his family? Either way, must be why I kept going back there.
Breaking through the barriers is just a slight accomplishment in Chemistry and Biochemistry that does not go unnoticed for me and many others. Their carelessness allowed me to travel back where it began. Meeting him caused my memories to race. Hint-hint. I should not have to say. Chemical substances have the potential to allow someone with PTSD to remember supressed memories. It causes the memories to race with fictional characters depending on how traumatizing they are. Handy, no, to know. It’s both just but one-sided. It’s clear cut but you can’t see it. Must mean the implied can be filled in thoughts or it’s on the reader. Physically, I had, survived more than one woman/man combination. This is not a request. Already dying from cancerous tumors - the diagnosis a condition understood similarly like Leukemia has not hit home. There just hasn’t been a home… that was mine and only mine.
Where to start with the financially fixed income that is barely enough to pay for cost-living? When to begin with the order starting there? How does the middle ground spiritually sound written on a site that costs rather than provide but soothes the soul, answers the calling, and gives the peace needed for another day lived in a mental sharpened by social consciousness. To embark this journey happy, healthy, uplifted is going to take my identity being confirmed. Verifying the information is easy. It is stopping a criminal that is more difficult when you play by the rules. Guidelines make it easy to know better, but no one actually listens. It is just harder to live reasonably, following the law. Clearly. Snort. It is not the issue, not now and not then. That much is clear. When you do not know, you do not know. The injustices are plenty. There should be a tally. How many this time want to realize the issues that come with numbers? Enough. The answer is, “same,” no one has the nerve to speak.
Start at the same menial blockage point or just let it be while that does not have to come around? Easy. Been there, done that. Not until I get what I want, need, and will settle more or less to live, I will live as I do as the vision and be that but my vision that makes the most sense to the vibe. I need to breathe once again. Take it in. My physical needs me and I need it. Does that sound weird, science.
The vision is allowing life to hit everyone in the face. I am going to need a mission statement be:
the word is a follower’s demise. There is not much to realize in someone following a believer into anything worshipers cannot see. It is a never-ending truth. “Fake it til’ you make it.” The walk isn’t worth the journey without the purpose discovering meaning. Budgeting is forever unnecessary, “Who wants to go to the grave with even one cent? No one.” The mental and the spiritual are the only two that make the most sense to maintain while the physical breaks down so the social aspect can just go to bed. Or, it can’t.